Honey Bear (kinkajou)

Me and my friends were talking yesterday and I was told that they could see me as a honey bear because they are apparently very cute.  You tell me is it cute?

Blood

There is so much blood and I didn't men to do it.
But it's to late now there is no undoing.
This blood on my hand I try to wash away
But still there is more to show me I'm to blame,
I can't understand how this could have happened
I scrub at my hand but still there is more
My hands are growing heavy my legs have gone weak
The are edges of grey just waiting to eat me.
I'll lay here for a second maybe then it will stop.
It didn't stop I didn't really want it to stop
I was ready for death I welcomed him like an old friend
Always when we visited I was quickly torn away.
First it was the pills then it was the drugs when I turned to liquor
I thought it would all be fine.
I finally turned to cutting and that seem to help
My emotions were stable and I needed less help
But I fooled my self again and this time when I met with death
I told him quite plainly "Take me from this place"
But all he did was smile and leaned in quite close and then whispered in my ears
"It's not yet time to go"
I looked at him with fear and anger in my heart. I started to scream but no sound would come out.
I felt the familiar tug at my heart
It meant I would not be long in this place.
I looked at death again and was surprised to see that it wasn't death at all
But an older version of me I woke with a start in a hospital bed.
Surrounded by face I had learned to dread
But tonight they looked solemn and full of despair
I couldn't understand it why were they there
I looked down at my arms all covered in white
and remembered that night I tried to take my life
I never saw death again after that night but then again
I grew more and more to look like him.
I have found balance in my life but I'm still have a yearning
I seek that one person that will truly understand me.

Anthony D. Jones